How many times has this happened to you:

You think about going to the gym. But you’re supposed to do something you don’t like to do.

So… you just don’t go at all.

You’ve become an Enjoyment Judge.

What is an Enjoyment Judge?

An Enjoyment Judge is when we place judgement on how much we expect to enjoy an activity. Then, this impacts what we actually do.

You don’t do a workout because “it’ll suck.” You put off your work because “it’ll be hard.” You eat that candy bar because “you’ll enjoy it.”

We all do this to some extent.

But the problem is it creates barriers in our head to actually complete the task or activity.

By labeling these activities as “easy” or “difficult” or “fun” or “so boring you could watch paint dry,” you’re effectively hurting your chances of doing it.

And worse, you’re ruining the experience itself by living in your future expectations.

I’m not above it. Hardly. I do it all the time.

But the less I judge the activity before experiencing it, the more I can actually experience it and decide what the experience actually was.

Expectations can hurt our perception of reality.

We can’t just go to the beach. On a run. Watch a show.

We expect something out of them.

The Enjoyment Judge seeks comfort. He does only that which he likes. Everything he does is about how much fun or pleasure he will get out of it.

The point is… 

The Enjoyment Judge might be the reason why you haven’t accomplished your goals.

You’re An Enjoyment Judge. So What?

We keep a running tally of everything we do. Then, we typically rate the experience without even realizing we’re doing it.

• “Went on a walk last night – it went well.”
• “Worked on my business yesterday – it sucked.”
• “Dinner last night – it was okay.”

The problem is that our memories are often terrible indicators of what actually happens. (Eyewitness testimony is known in law as notoriously unreliable.)

They might be accurate to sum up the entirety of the experience. But on an individual, second-by-second level… these one words fail to really capture the depth of the experience.

For example, that walk last night could have included a bug biting you. Working on your business could have provided failure after failure, but maybe you learned something new that will help you. Dinner might have been average on the whole, but those French fries were delicious.

The point is that we remember what happens based on one word or a short ranking but we fail to capture the depth of the experience because we’re constantly ranking everything we experience.

The Professional

The opposite of the Enjoyment Judge is the Professional.

The Professional does not care about the enjoyment of the activity. If it’ll help him achieve the goal, it gets done.

I have a friend who is a Professional, particularly when it comes to fitness.

He eats the foods he’s supposed to eat – regardless of whether the foods taste good. He follows his workout plan exactly as he’s supposed to – regardless if he wants to do the workouts.

If everyone did this? Everyone would be jacked, like my friend.

My friend doesn’t place any judgment on anything except for the end result. He wants to be jacked, strong, and lean. That is his end result. So, he is willing to eat chicken and veggies five times a week for dinner. Most are not so most don’t look like him.

How To Become A Professional

If we know the goal is to become a Professional, how do we go about removing our judgements from everything we experience before we actually experience it?

I am far from an expert but here are a few ways that have helped me:

Meditation

This is where you’re watching your mind work. If you sit down for twenty minutes twice a day, you can see how your mind plays tricks on you. You can see how one second you will hold one opinion, the next you’ll hold a different one. You can practice getting to a place of stillness or non-judgement.

Become disciplined

If you can become a disciplined person, you can do what you need to do even when you don’t feel like doing it. Hire a coach if you need to. The best way I know to become a disciplined person is to do 75 HARD. This is a 75-day program that will change the way you interact with yourself.

Do something with a blank mind

Remind yourself before you eat dinner you are not going to judge it. Go on a walk with no expectation of having a brilliant insight. Meet up with a friend with no expectation of the outcome.

Just do it.

When you go in with a blank mind, you are living in the present moment. And when you live in the present moment, you are more aware, more creative, and better able to handle everything life throws at you.

In Conclusion

Can you take a step toward becoming more a Professional and less of an Enjoyment Judge?

The purpose is not to remove all feelings to live like a robot. The goal is to be able to experience your life without placing arbitrary judgment.

What you might find is you may find greater depths of enjoyment in the actual activities. You might find yourself more willing to do activities that might have sucked.

This goes for short term tasks and long-term projects. Don’t start that new coding project expecting it to belong, tedious, and impossible. Don’t begin a sports season thinking it will be so much fun and amazing.

Just let the experience play out.

Your energy rubs off on everyone you come across.

It comes across when you go to the grocery store. It comes across when you’re walking around your neighborhood. It comes across at the dinner table.

Your energy levels affect not only every single person you see, but it also affects you. It affects how you approach the current day. It affects how you read this article. It affects whether you smile or frown.

If you’re high energy, everyone else experiences it too. If you’re low energy, it brings the mood of the room down.

The Tale of Two Hotels

I learned this lesson one summer when I worked at the front desk of a hotel.

Well, it was actually two hotels. The hotels were owned by the same company. They were separated by a parking lot.

The first hotel was for residents. The second hotel was for businesspeople.

In the resident hotel, people were typically upset. They always had a bunch of seemingly meaningless problems that needed solving. I vaguely remember one grown adult woman having a temper tantrum about her remote not working.

On the other hand, the people on business or vacation would come in smiling, bubbly, and in a great mood.

When I came home from the shift, my family would know which hotel I worked at.

The energy was transformed from the hotel to the house. Just like that.

What To Do When You Can’t Choose Your Surroundings

People say, “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

They’re right.

So my advice is: spend time with people who are high energy, who bring you up, who make you feel good about life.

But what if you can’t?

I didn’t choose what hotel I worked at on a given day. Many people don’t choose to live with low energy roommates. Maybe your boss or coworker constantly brings you down.

What do you do in these cases?

You might not be able to get away from them in the short term. But you need to be particularly careful in the meantime.

Because if you don’t protect your energy, it will be easier for you to take on this negative energy.

No news. The news is predicated on fear. The goal is to scare you. And many times, they do a great job. But if you’re already with people who are bringing you down, this source of information is going to hurt even more. It’s decisive, political, and meant to anger you – no matter what side of the aisle you’re on. Do your best to avoid this toxic source of information.

Exercise. Observe 100 people who just finished working out. My guess is 90% of them will be in a good mood. 10% of them will be exhausted. Here’s the fact: it’s hard to be negative or bring others down after you exercise. So, do what you have to do to get a sweat in. Also, you don’t need a gym membership. You can do pushups and sit-ups in your house. You can go for a run or do yoga. Even a simple walk will do wonders for your mental state (leave the phone at home!).

Read nonfiction. When you are stuck with people who bring you down in the physical world, attempt to surround yourself with others who are in a great mood either in a book or on the Internet (like this article ;). Thankfully, history is full of examples. Find someone who inspires you. Read their autobiography. Read a self-help book. Read about psychology. Spirituality. Anything that excites you, really.

Plot your future. While you’re in this state –with people who are bringing you down – plot your future. Think about where you’d like to be when you aren’t living with them. Who you’d like to live with. Go on Zillow or Airbnb and figure out where you’d like to live. This can bring you up.

Gratitude. Try to make it a habit to be grateful for three things every day. Even in a situation where you’re stuck with people who bring you down, there are still likely many things to be grateful for. By focusing on what you’re grateful for, you can transform a negative situation into a positive one. (You can even be grateful for these people’s presence because it’s showing you what type of people you don’t want to be with in the future.)

In Summary

You might not be able to change your environment for the forseeable future. But that doesn’t mean you can’t take the steps to change yourself. That doesn’t mean you can’t do what you need to do to cultivate high energy.

You might be in a low energy situation now. But here’s one great thing about that: you’ve noticed it. You understand you can’t be in that place forever.

Once you’ve identified your situation, then it’s time to cultivate your own energy and plot your escape.

For the time being, get excited about your future. Do everything you can to bring yourself up today. Because even though you might be forced to be with a low energy person (or people), your future is bright as you want it to be.

Make the most of this moment by cutting off the news, exercising often, reading nonfiction, plotting your future, and by having gratitude.

If you can do this much, you might even find a way to enjoy the present moment.

At first, it was painful.

I remember the first few days. Gritting my teeth. I had taken warm showers all my life, after all.

(Quick side note: I would like to express my sincerest gratitude to those who have made that possible. For most of human history, most people had no access to a shower. My friends at Wikipedia claim the first modern shower was patented in 1767 by an English man named William Feetham. Even in today’s day and age, I am incredibly fortunate to have access to hot water.)

But I was doing a challenge (Phase 1 of the Live Hard Program). And part of that challenge was for 30 days straight, you need to take a cold shower for five minutes.

I knew it would suck. I was hesitant to do it. But I gritted my teeth and embraced the suck.

After the 30 days were up, I continued to take cold showers.

You might be asking…

“Why!?”

I mean, it’s a fair question. No one’s forcing me to do it. I’m certainly not doing it so I can write about on the Internet (although it might seem that way).

I continue to do it for one main reason:

Over the 30 days of the challenge, I set a standard for myself. By not taking a cold shower, when I easily could, would be letting the highest version of myself down.

Below is my experience each time I go through a cold shower.

The Process

Before I Get In The Shower

Here’s what I do: I put a timer on for five minutes, 10 seconds. (The ten seconds so I can press start and then get myself into the water.)

I turn the water as cold as it will possibly go. Freezing.

If I don’t act quickly, my weaker mind will convince me not to take the cold shower.

So without thinking, I jump in…

The First Few Seconds

Shock.

Your body goes into flight or fight.

The first few seconds are the most difficult.

Even when you’re expecting cold water, your body is shocked. And it’s not just the first few seconds in general. It’s the first few seconds of any body part that hasn’t been exposed to the water.

I typically go in face first. I will hold my face on the water, my chest on the water. This makes it easier. But then when I turn around and have my back against the water, you get that same shock.

Eventually, the shock subsides.

Control the Breathing

Here’s what have gotten easier about the cold showers: I’ve learned that the game is to control your breathing.

No amount of reading about the controlling your breathing will do it justice. It’s something you have to experience for yourself. But once you master this element, all of a sudden, the cold shower doesn’t become as difficult.

The Last Minute or Two

Eventually, my body becomes numb to the cold.

I’ve noticed this happens in the last minute or two. Your body and mind just accept that this is the new normal.

Release The Tension With Warm Water

This is my reward. After five full minutes, I turn the water on warm. Sometimes, I will reset the timer for five minutes to make sure I don’t overstay my welcome in the warm. Sometimes, I just let it ride.

In the warm water, I am particularly clearheaded.

Lessons Learned

Use Hardships of Decades Past to Fuel Your Growth

When I first started these showers, this is what I thought of:

The Holocaust. World War I. World War II.

Horrible atrocities. Mass casualties. Losing loved ones.

Anyone who lived during this time would laugh at me for struggling through a five minute cold shower – probably because they had to deal with cold showers on top of whatever they were going through.

If your ancestors could go through some really horrific stuff, you can take a five minute cold shower.

Convince Yourself To Start

The hardest part is always convincing myself to get in the shower.

Once I’m in the shower, I’m an object in motion. There’s no stopping me from finishing that five minutes. Once you start a task, it becomes easy.

It’ll Get Easier, Not Easy

Hard things get easier the more you do them.

Taking a cold shower on day 90 was infinitely different than day 1. But just because something gets easier, doesn’t mean it gets easy.

No one is forcing me to get in that shower.

Use Linking to Create a Trigger

Pressing that start button on the timer means it’s time to get in the water. I didn’t have a choice at that point. Because I don’t have to think about getting in the water, it makes it easy for me for me to go. I have linked starting the timer to getting in the water for five minutes. Pressing that timer is “easy,” getting in that water is difficult.

Doing Hard Things Gives You Confidence

If you’re not doing difficult things on a daily basis, you absolutely need to. Because doing these difficult tasks will give you confidence. It could be something physical (distance running, weight lifting), it could be something mental (reading a challenging book), it could be something spiritual (meditating for 60 minutes a day). We are only happy to the extent we are pushing ourselves, doing challenging tasks, and becoming the person we want to be.

Use A Reward

The warm water at the end of the five minutes acts as my reward. The warm water feels so much better when I’ve earned it. I’ve taken regular warm showers before and they’re not the same. I’ll get in the warm water and just be upset. I didn’t earn that temperature. The warm water is effectively the reward I use to give myself a pat on the back for going through that cold.

The Ultimate Mood Changer

My brother was feeling sluggish, down, and low energy. I told him to take a cold shower for two minutes.

When he got out of the water, he was in a completely different state.

I am rarely in the same state after one of these showers as I am before it. It’s a good reminder we can change our physiology for the better by external stimuli.

Get Right Back on The Wagon

Did I take a cold shower every single day for the past three months? No.

But on the rare occasion I missed a day, I just went right back and attacked the following day. When I go back to the shower after missing one day, it is always colder.

This is a good reminder. Doing difficult things become easier if we do them regularly. But if we stop doing them, they’ll become hard.